I surrender

Staying the course for Leslie's challenge, but man the devil today had another plan! I've been interrupted by several phone calls and a trip to the elementary school to pick up a sick child. The first day I woke up early and wouldn't you know it, Mallory and Hailey were up five minutes later! I'm still doing my quiet time and staying diligent in seeking Him and that is all that matters. Eventually the devil will give up and move on.

"You know you're surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work. You also know you're surrendered when you don't react to criticism and rush to defend yourself. Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You don't edge others out, you don't demand your rights, and you aren't self-serving when you're surrendered." Taken from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren - That is my prayer! I'm already seeing good fruit in a few of these areas, not all the way, but small slow changes. Thank you Jesus for the renewing of the mind!

For a lot of people, the most difficult area to surrender is financially. I want the situation with my home to go away, to be fixed, to be restored. But, my prayer is not "Lord fix it." My prayer is "Lord I know you can fix it and I hope you do but I want your will for my life. I want these circumstances to operate in a way that your purpose for my life or another's life will be fulfilled." Jesus himself is our ultimate example of this when he prayed the night before his crucifixion: Mark 14:36 "Abba, Father," he cried out, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

Surrendering is tough work, it is intense warfare against our self-centered nature; not my strong suit! But, if we surrender and stop quarreling and working our own plan, our surrender is followed by peace, freedom, and God's power in our lives. Are you getting this? I know I am! You'll remember in a previous post of mine that I mention my self-centeredness (Kari-ism, I know self-centeredness isn't a word). If I'm self-centered it is because my flesh is stronger than my spirit and I can't be used by God because God can't trust me. That must mean that if surrendered people are not self-centered that God uses people who are surrendered! He doesn't chose people based on their beauty, talents, or swift words. He chooses those who are surrendered.

Surrendering is not a weakness or a loss, it is the ultimate sacrifice and form of worship. We surrender in a moment, maybe at rock bottom, but we must continually surrender our lives daily. Each time we stand at a cross road between what our flesh wants and what God wants us to do, we must surrender. We have to start with the small before we become successful with the big. We must surrender at the check out line instead of attacking the slow cashier. We must surrender when we want to buy that dress but the money is intended for our tithe. We must surrender when the alarm clock goes off and we should be putting God first and we want to instead stay in bed. We must surrender in the moment, moment to moment, all day long.

We have to have daily time with Christ in order to have strength to pull this off. We must have a relationship with him. The better we know him, the more we become like him, the more we want to surrender and serve him. There are times when it isn't easy and you will give into your flesh instead of surrendering. There is grace and forgiveness for that.

"If you don't surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos." E. Stanley Jones - oh how I understand the meaning of that!

So we're on our way to surrendering, telling Jesus what we need, expecting, not toiling, and receiving. While we are waiting and not toiling there will be times of attack. The devil will tell you lies. We need to combat those times with scripture. There is power in our words and scripture is life, it's God's word. We must be saying scripture aloud every day. We need to be saying what God thinks of us. We need to change the record on the player. No more listening to satan's lies. When he comes against you say "devil you are a liar!" and quote a scripture that demonstrates what God says about your situation. We need to quit listening to satan's lies, the opinions of those around us, and even our own image of ourselves. Instead, say scripture aloud to build our inner man. Scripture speaks life into our circumstances and releases God's power in our lives. Scripture renews our mind and frees His hand for His power to fall on our lives. So take off the old 8 track and pop in a new CD! What are you listening to today?

Unopened Gifts

While watching Joyce Meyer this morning she said something that made me cry. "I believe when we get to heaven we'll be shown a room of gifts with our name on it. Gifts God wanted to bless us with but we didn't receive. Favor, prosperity, talents to bless others, etc."

John 1: 16 NLT "From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."
Grace upon grace, mercy upon mercy, gift upon gift. You don't deserve anything. I don't deserve anything. Not one of us has done a thing to deserve all that Jesus has for us. But, we are freely given and blessed with what Jesus earned. We don't have to earn it. Joyce said it like this: "I have food in my fridge, my children eat it. When I'm out shopping, my children don't hesitate to ask me to buy them something. They ask, they receive." How many unopened gifts do you have in heaven because you are waiting until you feel like you've earned them?

John 5:5-10 NLT "One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, "Would you like to get well?"
"I can't sir," the sick man said, "for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me."
Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!"
And immediately the man was well and he picked up his mat and walked."

First, Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be healed. Jesus, the Father, the Holy Spirit, is a gentleman. Jesus knows the desires of our heart but that doesn't mean he waves a wand over us and fulfills our desires. We must ask (pray) and we must receive!

Second, the man attempted to put Jesus in a box. The man could not see past his own circumstances, the physical that he could touch and see. In previous attempts to get to the healing pool he failed. He failed in his own attempts to get healed. But, because he did desire to be healed after Jesus asked, it allowed Jesus to heal him outside of his circumstances without having to get into the pool.

This principle doesn't only apply to healing. It stands for every prayer that you have muttered to heaven. My husband and I are rebuilding our financial future and it looks bleak at the moment. My attempts to accomplish this goal or that goal have failed. But, if I take my eyes off my circumstances, ask, and receive then Jesus is free and able to bless me beyond my own circumstances and comprehension. It isn't possible for us to fathom the ability God has to provide the desires of our heart. The level of love he has for us. The desire he has to bless us. The circumstances surrounding our home and our move are still bumpy and painful at times and I don't understand it all. But, I know that Jesus will carry us through the storm and open new doors, better doors. He will be exalted when we stand before men and give our testimony of how God rescued us and restored us. Don't get me wrong I still behave like a toddler at times and throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming and having tantrums. I still have times when I doubt why I serve Him, why I tithe, but He is still the same. He is Jehovah Jirah, my provider and he meets all my needs. He even forgives my immaturity and doubt.

We need to get Jesus out of the box of our circumstances.
We need to put our burdens at the foot of Jesus.
We need to ask! You have not because you ask not!
We have to quit toiling and worrying and trying to carry it or fix it ourselves.
We need to receive!
We need to stop chaining God's hands and trying to earn our reward when God wants to bless us freely.

As a parent do you require your children to be perfect, without fault? Do you require your children earn all that you bless them with? As a child were you required to earn all that was given to you and done for you? Jesus earned it all for us and he takes pleasure in blessing us, in our happiness.

It is my own prayer today, and mine for you as well, to lay my burdens down, quit carrying them on my own. Jesus help me. I don't ask that the burden be made shorter or that you speed me through it but ask that it be made lighter. The burden I carry is preparing me for the next dip in the road. My burden is the cross I carry that becomes a bridge over my next set of circumstances. I pray that I be broken so Jesus can be exalted. Less of me and more of you. Be the light upon my path so I stay the course. I thank you for open doors and pray your will be done in my life. Tune my eyes, ears, and spirit to that of your voice and follow with peace. I have prayed for a miracle and put my trust in you. I trust you know what is best for me. I expect you to keep your promises. I expect you to perform the impossible. Whether it takes a week, a year, or five years, all that we have lost will be restored and more. I realize now that all I've obtained in life up to this point, I took credit for earning. I realize that everything belongs to you, it's all on loan. I've learned to rely on you to supply my needs and give thanks and praise when you meet those needs. I don't achieve success on my own. I don't shelter my children, I don't feed my children, you do Father because you provide everything that is necessary for me to do so. Thank you Jesus for all that you are. Words cannot articulate all that my soul feels at this moment. Thank you for love, hope, grace, mercy, peace, promises kept, miracles, righteousness, anxiety that has been calmed, for rest, for freedom, forgiveness. Thank you my cup runneth over. My cup runneth over. I am but clay, mold me, change me. I appreciate my gifts. I love being a mom, wife, writing, photography, and blessing others but I want my deepest desire to be pleasing you. I can only be the best possible person by living for you and allowing my mind and life to be renewed. I can only be the best possible wife and mother by allowing change and allowing myself, my flesh to be broken so my spirit can be made stronger. I pray for brokenness, strength to endure, faith, and peace. I pray my self-centered focus change from how much pleasure am I getting out of life to how much pleasure is God getting out of my life. Thank you Jesus from the depth of my toes for the many blessings in my life. Amen.

God is standing before you today with a beautifully wrapped gift, will you reach out and take it? Will you say "thank you daddy, more please!" Or, will you walk away and try to earn it? I'm taking all he has to offer!

For my patient husband

To quote a line from a song lyric "I need you like a heart needs a beat." I'm sorry that it is so easy for me to put onto pater exactly where my heart stands yet I can't articulate in a conversation the depths of my feelings for you.

I started to say earlier I am sorry that I can't look you in the eye and say I feel lonely and isolated, or I'm frustrated and overwhelmed, or I have too much on my plate. I don't know exactly how to even after all these years allow myself to be seen so tender and vulnerable before you. I feel like I have to always come off like I can do it all and I can do it all on my own. The same is true for you and the Lord. Because I'm afraid to communicate my weaknesses, my frustration builds and ultimately makes me angry. I am angry at myself because I've made too many commitments, because I seem to get stuck behind this computer so I don't accomplish as much, because I am not living to my full potential. It takes me a bit to realize I'm angry with myself and to stop directing it at you. I've often expressed how I'd love to trade places. I'd love to wake up when the house is quiet and sneak off to work and miss the hustle and bustle of a busy day with the kids and all that they require. But, the truth is I was created to be their mommy and your wife, God has ordained me to be so, and I need to learn to rest and trust in him and just be who I am called to be.

I allow myself to get busy with the stuff of life, tackling one project after another and wind up missing all the precious moments and things of life. I've felt recently like I'm drowning or like I can't breath because there is just so much going on. I'm not sure each child has been kissed and hugged by the end of each day. I'm with them but I'm not "with" them. I'm with you but I'm not "with" you. Even when I'm not busy running this errand or bathing that child or whatever, my head is still overwhelmed with the next thing on the "to do" list. I am sorry that you suffer the brunt of it. I'm sorry that I direct the anger that I feel toward myself at you and blame you for days on end until I'm finally willing to let myself see what is really happening.

I am eternally grateful for the divine level of unconditional love you have for me, and the divine level of patience you demonstrate each and every day. We started on this journey as kids and I'm so incredibly proud of the man of God you have become and will continue to grow into. Love is patient, kind, not boastful, proud, or jealous.... you encompass that verse in all that you do and say for the kids and I every day. It is my own insecurities that block my vision from seeing how deep and wide and true your love continues to be. I was only fifteen when you stole my heart. I thought I knew what love was when I said I'd marry you, but we each have learned through trial and triumph over and over, what true love really is. Thank you for being my rock, my best friend, my soul mate, my lover, my husband, my counselor, my accountability person; I know I demand a lot from you. Pray for me; pray that I will encompass all that you need and more. I am who I am because of you, because of how you love me. Loving you is like blinking, an ordinary involuntary reflex but as essential to my life as breath. My entire heart will always be forever yours! I love you!

-Kari


What I'm listening to:




I bought the Every Day Sunday CD a few months back because of thier "skater" image and assumed it would be a sound my almost teenage son would enjoy and hopefully the lyrics and music would minister to him. I've heard the CD a few times and enjoy the sound but never paid much attention to the lyrics after my intial listen so I could approve the CD for him. Tyler put the CD in a few days ago and it was exactly what I needed to hear and it was exactly where I found myself this morning.

Lyrics:
Yesterday, I could not feel this
Today I'm sick of trying
To live like I can live on my own
This world around me is suffocating
But I keep forgetting
To turn and run into You
So Find me
Wherever I am won't You
Find me
I got myself lost and I
Don't think
I want to be roaming in heartache
Please find me tonight
I make it hard and I can't stand it
Can't wrap my head around it
I wrestle with You more than I should
I make a mess of everything
But You see the best in me
I'll never be too far gone
You speak without sound
Your love is so loud
You always save me

God knew I needed a toilet seat?

A portion of Wendi’s post today reads as follows: “And He, again, was the farthest thing from condemning you could imagine. And He really understood, like got where I was at. He knew I would be there. He knew it was okay to be there. He used my being there to show me some really important things that I would not have learned had I not been there. And then He invited me to move on from there. He brought me into a group of people who love Him.”

For me I’m certain that Wendi at Every Day Miracles will become a part of the group of people who love Him as I do; that I will continue to turn to. Many of us have mentioned in recent posts the power and connection that develops between woman, bloggers, moms, and writers that have never met but are linked together via the Internet, in Him. Many of these connections and relationships are even deeper than those who share our lives with us daily. I’m grateful for the blogs God has recently directed me to and look forward to many cups of coffee with them in the future.

I recently found myself in exactly the same place as Wendi while cleaning my basement last week. Yeah, remember the basement, the one behind closed doors that I mentioned was a physical manifestation of my life; only surface clean. Well my home was surface clean like my life is surface clean and I’m working on making it (my home and heart) clean on every level and getting into every nook and cranny. Well I’m happy to report that the majority of the basement is clean, in fact empty! If only it were as easy to weed our hearts! Sigh!

My “ah ha” moment, my revelation, when God said to me “I knew you’d be here, It’s okay that you are here, and I knew you’d be needing this” was when I found a toilet seat of all things in the bathroom cupboard of my basement. It had been there since before we moved in. That must sound pretty odd, what a vision. Me standing in the midst of a messy basement, finding a new toilet seat, and hearing God say “I knew you’d be needing this.” Bear with me…

First off, I need the toilet seat because the one in my upstairs bathroom broke some time ago and all our butts were pinched in it each time we sat on it. So my lovely hubby’s solution: white duct tape! Even funnier right! We could have purchased a new seat but we are not putting money of any sort into maintaining this home. Why? Good question, and one that comes with a painful answer.

My husband and I gave birth to children number 4 & 5 in February of 2004, twin girls, while living in a dinky home all of 900 square feet with only 1 bathroom among now 4 girls! A nightmare! Our home at been up for sale for quite some time, so long that we had given up on looking at our next home for purchase. Finally, in April of 2004 our “dinky” home sold. Our next purchase was our dream home! We felt called to Romeo, MI where we attend church and had a deep desire to really get rooted in the community and even deeper rooted in our church. But, our dream home was in Clinton Twp. We disobeyed. The closing of this home proved to be problematic with one red flag after another. And, even though we both knew deep within our core that God was clearly telling us not to buy this home, we did any way.

We ended up in an interest only mortgage which was locked in for three years. We’d give ourselves some time to “grow” into the payment and gain equity in the house then refinance before the three years was up. We’re in Michigan where the housing market has literally fallen out and the foreclosure rate is record setting. When it came time for us to refinance, our home was worth less than we owed on it and wouldn’t appraise high enough for us to get a new fixed rate mortgage. We spent three years basically renting this home from the mortgage company and now were faced with a $500 per month hike in mortgage payments with no end in sight because the market isn’t coming back up any time soon. This home was never ours to begin with and is obviously no longer a good investment and selling wasn’t an option since any sane person wouldn’t purchase a home for more than its value, especially in Michigan at this time. Our only option was to let our home go back to the bank. But only after many repeated attempts to refinance through our lender, only to be told “no” at every turn. Neither of us saw the value in trying to grip onto a home that we feel God never wanted us in to begin with. There, I said it, I lost a house. Notice I didn’t say “my house.” It was borrowed from the bank for a season and now it’s been given back. God is my provider and will continue to provide!

To say I’ve learned lessons from this is a serious understatement and lessons I certainly would not have learned without landing myself in this very place. My husband and I battled to be “head of household” for many years. This made our home life so wrecked with havoc! The first lesson we gained from this was our proper order of things in this home and I can’t tell you just how peaceful our home has become since taking my position as neck. The neck is just as important as the head, even more so. The head can’t stand on its own, it requires and demands support! My husband is head of our household in all means including our finances as well. I keep him organized so things don’t get forgotten and we discuss the finances so we are in agreement but the responsibility now falls on him.

I had been working part-time from home and have since left that position to take up my real passions and minister to my children and family the way they all deserve. If we were busy gripping onto saving a home we don’t belong in, we’d never be able to afford to do this. I’d be sacrificing and surpassing my God given gifts as a mother, wife, writer, and photographer to keep up with the Jones’.

We’ve grown leaps and bounds, it has been a painful process but one I’m glad we’ve endured. Our priorities are in line, we know where our purpose lies, and we’ve many steps closer to leading our children down the right path and ensuring their success as well.

Nothing on this earth belongs to any of us, it all belongs to God, and it’s all on loan. At one point in time we’ll all be asked if we are willing to pass it on to someone else as someone passed it on to us. I’m now more than ever less concerned with owning my own home. A home is made up of the people in it, now the color on the wall. Of course God knows the desires of my heart and he wants to fulfill those desires and I trust he will meet and exceed our needs when it comes time to leave this house and move onto our next house that we will make our home.

My home will be defined in the laughter that resonates through the walls, the hash marks on the walls as my children grow, the sticky apple juice on the kitchen floor, the memories we’ve created that hang on the wall, and the Lord that is the glue that holds it all together. That can be created and will be created in any resting place whether the county says it’s mine or not. My children won’t remember whether I paid a mortgage company or a land lord, they will remember that I was home when they arrive from school each day.

The desires of your heart, are they Godly desires or desires that conform us to this world? I used to be one of the people who were conformed to this world and each new day brings me a step farther away from the world and closer to the Lord. Although painful, this circumstance, this lesson, has brought about the greatest level of growth and revelation in Him. I’m grateful to God for loving me so much that he reveals what is wrong with me, he and the spirit press on me until I get it! Thank you Jesus!

I was at one point ashamed, afraid of the stigmatism associated with a person whose house has been foreclosed on, but I’m not ashamed. Like I told Wendi earlier today, mine, hers, and your value is not measured in what others think of me, or even what I think of me, but what God thinks of me! God loves me! I mess up, he knows I’m going to mess up before I do and he loves me anyway. He loves you any way!

"OCD-ness"

I had to be at the elementary school at 7:30 this morning with all four of my girls to decorate the cafeteria & gym for VIP Day. I never leave my house that early; thank you Jesus I don't work, I could never pull it off every day. For those mom's who do it every day, giant kudos, you rock, I don't envy you.

While in the cafeteria the lunch lady came in to set up breakfast for those kids that eat at school in the morning. Irritated to find us there she began to tidy certain areas and place other items out just so. Everything had a place and it had to be perfect. My children and I were clearly not part of the normal deal and I could tell we were making her very nervous. So I can already tell she's freaking out about these kids being in her cafeteria and I'm filling up balloons which my girls are of course running and jumping around with. The balloons begin to pop because I'm using a little air thingy and have put too much air in them. This freaks her out even more. My girls insist they are popping because there are nails or other sharp objects behind the curtain that the balloons have bumped so the balloons all get shuffled onto the cafeteria floor and off of the stage. The lunch woman tolerates this for about...thirty seconds then comes over to inform me that she cannot be responsible for what will happen to said balloons when the breakfast crew arrives. I must move them back onto the stage. I'm now anticipating about one-hundred kids to start filing in and running about obnoxiously instead of eating their breakfast.

Faith sits at the table to finish up a couple of things from her homework the night before (nice work habits, I know). The lunch woman again tolerates this for about thirty seconds then kicks my daughter off the table because she needs every last chair for the breakfast crew. Next she picks up my girls belongings off the cafeteria floor and places them on the stage because said breakfast crew never makes the garbage can when they throw away their scraps and garbage. Who are these kids anyway? Okay this lady is on my nerves now seriously!

I laugh to myself though because I remember when I used to be like that. It was so bad that my husband would go around the house and move things just so he could watch me go by later and put them back! It was a cruel game. Well nowadays when I start laundry on Monday and don't finish until Friday only to have just as much to do as I did when I started on Monday, I'm okay with it. I don't like the crumbs on the carpet or the sticky orange juice on the kitchen floor right where I need to stand to load the dishwasher but I can overlook it. Hey! I've come a long way!

Well my PTO and Girl Scout partner Teresa and I laughed about this woman's obsessive antics as she continued to pick up jackets off the floor and ensured everything was in its place and I was relieved to be free of that condition. We then noticed my four-year-old twins neatly lining up and ever so perfectly placing all the balloons in a straight line across the platform that the choir students use to perform. Apparently I'm not as free from it as I thought and even worse, I seem to be passing it on!

By the way, the breakfast crew, yeah about fifteen of the sweetest kids who barely had their eyes open!

What would Jesus Say I'm Passionate about?

Does what I say I'm passionate about line up with my actions? I surveyed my closest friends and family and asked them what they would say I'm passionate about. Here are a couple of quotes:

"Your passionate about your life goals and making your family life the best possible. You are always looking out for them and making the decisions to make it happen. You are currently passionate about photography and learning the most you can. You are passionate about the Lord being in your life and being the best person, mother, wife, and friend you can be."

"I think when it’s something your really interested in you are passionate about it. Of late: photography comes to mind. Since you were seventeen your kids come to mind and making sure they are raised with good morals & ethics." This will bring about a few questions: yes I was seventeen when I had my first child, yes my husband and I have been married for thirteen years and our son is thirteen, yes he is the father of all my children, and no we did not ever use fertility assistance; apparently we're just fertile and/or passionate about what we do in our spare time! Believe it or not I've had perfect strangers ask me all of these questions.

"You are primarily passionate about our kids, the care of them, and what they stand for. Your secondary passions are photography and writing. Your passion for writing comes through in your care for others with the words you use whether it be a Thank You note or e-mail. You are passionate about your writing being spirit-led."

The first is a quote from my closest friend Patty and the second from my mom who are both not born again (yet!). The last quote is from my husband which are all nice things but it makes me sad that he doesn't feel as though I'm passionate about him. I'll have to change that! I have to find a way to translate how I feel about him into tangible action. I can't tell you the level of joy it brings to know that I have good fruit in my life, evidence that is recognizable to others regarding my passions, faith, and prayer life. It is exciting to know that I talk about my passions and share my goals with my friends and family and it appears as though my actions demonstrate my passions as well. My children would tell you I'm passionate about cleaning! In reality it's my feeble way of trying to control something in my life.

If I'm going to be completely honest with him though, I have to confess I still spend more time in front of the TV than I care to admit and certain areas are completely out of control. My life is out of balance in a lot of areas. If you could see the condition of my basement and garage right now you would know they are a physical manifestation of what is going on in my heart. The main living areas that are seen to the outside world are clean but the less traveled paths that aren't revealed as much (the stuff behind closed doors), not so much. I must also confess that in my own opinion I am more passionate about myself than I am anything else. I am more passionate about what I want, like to do, and need than I am about those around me. I have to take a second and laugh to myself because I watched an awesome message from Joyce Meyer this morning and was hoping to find a way to incorporate it today. I guess while I watched and took notes I didn't really get it, but I do now.

The basic message was a teaching regarding choosing to walk in the spirit versus walking in the flesh. Obviously if I find myself being too selfish than my flesh is currently stronger than my spirit which I don't want. If my flesh is stronger than my spirit I can't be used by God because he can't trust me. More importantly it's likely I'm not obeying either.

My husband and I are at a cross roads in making some major decisions in our lives and we are both digging deep and studying daily to make sure we are obedient and not making fleshly decisions but prayerful decisions that are spirit led and in agreement. It's funny how God works through all aspects of things in our lives to bring what we need to hear in a full circle so we get it. I've learned this morning that it's good to listen to messages on the radio and TV but essential to have our own time with God as well so he has an opportunity to bring all those things together to demonstrate how it needs to be applied in our lives to bring about personal change so we can be used to help others.

I have a list of verses on my vision board that I try to say aloud daily and this morning one jumped off the page at me as it often does because I'm in the process of seeking God for the next steps in my life. Romans 12:2 NLT Don't copy the customs and behavior of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

That was my light bulb moment of the day! All I need to do is stay in the word and study it, not just read it. I have to allow God to change me when I am convicted instead of continuing to sew in the flesh which reaps ruin, decay, and destruction. I can't strong-arm my flesh or blow my weaknesses out with dynamite because they will never go away. I must study God's word and stay in a spirit of worship and learn to walk in the spirit where I will reap life and life everlasting, learn to not submit to that temptation, and ultimately be revealed his good and perfect will for my life! This may all seem obvious for some of you. I've been saved for 12+ years but still feel like such a baby christian.

Revelation 3:19-21 NLT I correct and discipline (convict) everyone I love (because I love you, I'm going to tell you what's wrong with you; don't we do that with our children?). So be diligent (enthusiastic and earnest) and turn from your indifference (allow God to change you). Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends (intimacy). Those who are victorious sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.

Which door of your heart is God knocking on today: finances, your time, wrong friendships? How do we get our spirit stronger and our flesh weaker to finally get our breakthrough in finances, to stop over-committing, etc.?

Don't think you can just do it without prayer. Don't look at prayer like an obligation; God doesn't need us to pray, we need to pray. So prayer is first. For those of you that have been at this a while have learned to repent and allow change in your lives as soon as you hear God speaking to you. Others of us need to "circle the same mountain" one-hundred times first! If we insist on circling the mountain, God will use circumstances to press on us. With God using circumstances to press on us from the outside and the Spirit pressing on us from the inside we are squeeze in the middle until our flesh is broken. We like to control things and God will use circumstances that are absolutely out of our control to press on us. Circumstances like traffic, the attitude of the cashier at the check-out, an unexpected bill, etc. Some things are beyond our control and God will use those circumstances to press on us and break our flesh. "Broken" is not a bad word! It means our flesh is broken BUT our spirit is stronger which is exactly where we want to be.

The spirit is willing; the flesh is weak!

Passion...

Well if any of you read my spiritual blog My Forty Days then you know that purpose and passion are a major focus in my life. It started with the book Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I started the book after leaving my part-time job from home with the intent in finding my new direction in life, my purpose. What I've come to learn through the book is that our purpose is not in what we do for a living or what our hobbies are but who we are in Him. In my spiritual blog I last outlined five areas of our lives in which we live a purpose filled life in serving him and glorifying him. Those are worship, loving, becoming Christ like, serving others with our gifts, and telling others about him. These five areas are how we glorify God. If we live a purpose driven life with the knowledge that our purpose is to glorify God then we develop a relationship with Jesus that continues to deepen over time. Through that relationship we learn to walk in love, walk in the spirit, and obey his still small voice. When we get that right then God's personal plan for each of us on this earth will come to pass. We each have been given specific gifts and talents and it is our responsibility to learn how God wants us to use them. It is not a good idea to come up with a plan of our own, picking and choosing among our gifts then asking God to bless our plan. We need to be diligently seeking him and his will for our lives. When we walk in his will we will be blessed.

With that said, Leslie over at My Happily Ever After has linked some ladies together to get to know each other on a deeper level. What are we passionate about? Many of my readers get a glimpse of my day to day life, the quirky things my children do, the funny things they say. Speaking of which before Tyler left for camp he was concerned about the weather and gave me another mini-science lesson on meteorology for the week. It was too precious. He moved his arms around just like our local meteorologist Chuck Gaidica! Anyway, places I've fallen like disputing with my sister-in-law, figuring out my new camera, etc. I do share some of my most intimate thoughts on my blog though and I get the sweetest, most sincere responses. I feel more connected to a few ladies I've never even met than I do to some of my friends and family I see regularly. I'm glad to know after reading the blogs of a few ladies today that I'm not alone in that.

So what am I passionate about?

First and foremost I am passionate about Christ. I am passionate about what he did for me, for all of us. I am passionate about living a life that reflects and shines his love. I am passionate about getting so deep in Jesus that when people look at me they scratch their heads and can't quite put their finger on what is up with me, why I glow. I'm passionate about being molded into a person whose heart and behavior matches how Jesus sees me. I'm passionate about raising my children to discover their own passion for Christ. I am passionate about being in his presence; I'm addicted to that feeling of utter fullness when my cup runneth over and words can't express or define the glory and majesty of all that he is. My passion for Christ fills my heart daily, sustains me, and seeps into the people around me. My passion for Christ further develops and defines my gifts and my passion for using those gifts to be a blessing to others.

God comes first, my family second, and all else after that. I've discussed my first passion, my passion to my children is ministering to them. Not an area I feel very strong in. I want my children to feel loved, safe, and protected. I want to continue to develop and unbreakable, unshakable bond with each of them. I want to know them deeply and personally. I want them to see Christ in me, not just on Sunday but every day. I want my life to be an example of how they should live theirs just as Christ was for us. Christ is their ultimate example but it's important that we demonstrate on earth for them. It's important to me that my children learn that they are not expected to be perfect, it's okay to miss it sometimes, preferred even. It's important for them to miss it as children so they learn early on as an example from their parents and Jesus himself that they have forgiveness, grace, and mercy. It isn't the mistake that is important but where we turn first and what actions follow.

My other passions are for writing and photography. Writing hasn't always been a passion of mine, I took it for granted for a long time. All I know is that it is a divine gift from God. When I write thank you notes to family or other sweet notions I am often told it brings them to tears. The Holy Spirit freely flows as I write. I often go back and read my own stuff and scratch my head; I know it didn't come from me. I'm not sure how I'm doing on the blog front but it isn't my passion to be entertaining but to allow Jesus to use me as a vessel to bless others. I am passionate about achieving that kind of writing. I don't update either blog out of obligation but when I feel led to share something specific. I find inspiration at Leslie's blog as I am moved to tears nearly every time I visit her.

I am passionate about photography. This is very recent for me. When I first decided to start a blog I did some blog walking and happened upon France Photography and her photos made me feel something. I don't know why but I just had to do it. I am passionate about taking life style photos of my own family so they are memories captured forever. I am passionate about capturing the emotion of the situation in my photos. I am passionate about developing the skills to do that for other families. I am passionate about honing my skills to be a blessing to others by volunteering with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep where photographers volunteer their time and skill to families who have lost their infants. By providing gentle beautiful and often times the only photos of their baby to treasure for a lifetime and assist in healing their grief. If I never make a living at taking pictures I absolutely will volunteer for NILMDTS.

I am passionate about Christ and being an open vessel for God to work through to bless others.