Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Bring the Rain Part II

I left off yesterday with the notion of forgiveness, so let's continue...

So this is the part where I smile, clenching my teeth and speak like a ventriloquist through my clenched teeth and say, "I forgive you" knowing my ability to endure has grown a touch. Okay, really in the grand scheme of things I do really understand exactly where He is going with this. I understand. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do. Yet, it can be so hard to just let things go. To forgive. So today I will stretch my faith a bit further and proclaim my forgiveness toward this person. I may not feel it now, but in faith I forgive and the feelings will follow.

There are a couple of things I'm taking from this though, one is I'm sure there are things that I unknowingly and/or unintentionally did to hurt this person also. I also understand that the people of this earth are all human. None of us is capable of being all that we need each other to be. People will hurt us. We will have our feelings hurt and we will disappoint others as well. So are we really supposed to just continue to subject ourselves to the hurt that we've come to expect if the source is constant? Is there ever a time when we are allowed to draw a line in the sand? There are times when I often ask a question and follow it with scripture or my opinion but not this time. This time I'm really looking for some advice, preferably biblical. When is enough, enough?

Here is where I'm going with this, 1 Corinthians 12:4-8, these verses are not just for marriage but for every person who loves another. Love is patient, kind, not jealous boastful or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Okay, I think I got my answer actually but I was really hoping for a loop hole here. I have done the whole be patient, kind, not jealous, boastful or rude thing. This person says things to other people and I've had so many of them repeated back to me. I have washed it away, forgotten. I am aware of the scriptures that tell us to forgive, not seek revenge, and not to waive my finger at another and say "but you did this, this, and this." I have heard the words but taken the high road, ignored them, and opted to not get others involved as well. I am aware of so many things that this person has done to betray my trust. This is not about jealousy. It is about lack of trust and lack of loyalty. So if this person has so clearly demonstrated their lack of value for my friendship, then is it okay to fold in the towel? When it comes to my marriage I will hold fast to never giving up, never losing faith, staying hopeful, and enduring all circumstances. But, what about friendships? There is much that has never been discussed because I have tried to uphold my values and forgive and not confront. At this point, I'd like to continue to forgive but no longer put myself out there to have to endure more that I will have to forgive again. I think I'm just going to have to keep praying until I have peace with exactly how to proceed.

The conclusion tomorrow...

2 drops of sunshine:

Tabbie:) said...

I have a comment on this. It's a story actually. Email me if you are up for it.

Elizabeth said...

as always so insightful and vulnerable. i truly appreciate this "series". :-)