Monday, December 15, 2008

Writer's Workshop

Okay MaMa Kat is at it again with her Writer’s Workshop. This week the prompt I chose is Describe a “new road” you’ve taken in your life.

Well, let’s see growing up I was a pretty good kid for the most part, I could be trusted, aka I didn’t get caught! No really, I was a good kid. Then I came home drunk for the first time at age fifteen, got arrested for shoplifting not too much farther down the path from that incident. Turned sixteen, got pregnant, and attended a garden variety of hotel parties along the road between my sixteenth birthday and said pregnancy. I had said child at age seventeen. Had my parent’s sign away their rights as parents about that time so I could get married. At age seventeen in Michigan your parents must provide signed consent in order for you to get a marriage license. Married in August of 1995 and lived the most horrific and tumultuous year of my entire life. It’s okay, my husband would agree with me on just how badly it sucked. So last week when I said that God chooses to use those that the world would consider garbage, yeah, um, I fit.

The hubs I often refer to in my blog is the one and only hubs, he decided that if the first year was that bad, it could only get better, right? Yes, he is the father of all five of my children as well. No, we didn’t use fertility treatments. Yes, perfect strangers do find it perfectly acceptable to inquire within. Really! There is nothing better than standing in line at Wal-Mart and the old lady behind you just has to know why in God’s name I have so many children and is it even possible to have convinced one man to father them all. Certainly, I had to of abused God’s laws and gave birth to genetic freaks or something. God forbid people actually fall in love, figure out how to re-fall-in-love and cohabitate!

Moving on, I worked full-time until after our third child was born. I was always good at whatever it was I put my hand to, pretty successful, and people liked me. I gradually became overwhelmed with guilt taking my kids to daycare every day and the expense of having three of them in daycare everyday soon became non-value-added. So the first major path I took in my life was deciding to be a stay-at-home mom. It has taken me about seven years to grow into this role! Uh, it didn’t come naturally. I wasn’t good at it, and you know what, people here didn’t really always like me either.

I’ve always run a pretty tight ship. I keep things organized, and have a no-bone- about-it kind of attitude. Okay, so I’m not nurturing and I’m a clean freak. But, when it comes to friendships, my ambitions, and meeting new people I have always stood in my own way. I was a shy person most of my life, lacked confidence in a real severe way, and I was a big, giant, people-pleasing, pushover.

A co-worker of my husband’s saw a handful of snapshots I had taken of my kiddos. Well, apparently, I have the “eye” for photography, a gift. This works out real well because as soon as I caught one glimpse of a photo blog, I had to have it! So I picked up my first digital SLR this year and worked my butt off. I’ve gained an obscene amount of knowledge as it relates to photography, composition, lighting, metering, etc. I’ve seen many a 2:00 in the morning and sacrificed a lot of time away from my husband and kids to get to where I am now.
I have grown a thicker layer of skin. I have been forced way outside my comfort zone; my box is almost non-existent now. I wanted to throw up all over my first couple of clients. I was so nervous. Now, I love meeting new people. I love getting to know them through the process. I often leave my sessions feeling like friend with my clients.

I have wanted to quit countless times. I refuse to let myself get halfway into anything and just quit though. I am going to see this through to the end. In return, God has blessed all things that I have put my hand to. I expected to have a photo blog riddled with images of my children because I sucked and no one would want to pay me for anything I could produce. But, God has blessed me with creativity, with skills, with a natural talent, and he has brought people out of every direction. I have had a steady flow of clients since the spring and I am truly blessed!
This road has been marked with suffering and struggles, with effort, with sleepless nights, and with countless thoughts of self deprivation. But, mostly, it has been marked with growth. Not just growth in the area of my skills but growth in who I am as a person. Somewhere along the line, I picked myself up off the ground. I wiped off the dirt from the front side and the shoe tracks from the backside and decided I know who I am, I know who I want to be, and I’m going to get there!

I have discovered a new sense of confidence. I have begun to love and accept myself. I have learned to resist battling everything that goes wrong with every person it goes wrong with. I have learned to forgive and love them anyway. I am in the process of learning to forgive myself. I have gained much and overcame much on this new road. Christ is the center of it all. He is author of my gifts and talents. He is my Lord and Savior. He is my forgiver. He is my restorer. He is my refuge, my peace, and my strength.

0 drops of sunshine: