Choose to be changed...

Before I did any reading this morning, before I got to any part of my study, I found myself uttering over and over "change me, change me, change me."

I've got a couple of things going on that I feel compelled to study and look into a bit deeper. The first is the power of my tongue. Luke 12:34 says For where your heart is there will your treasure be also. Our heart is the key to who we are. To how mature we are, to what we treasure, to what we hold most important, it is where we store our confidences, our secrets, and our fears. The heart is the storehouse, our mouths are the vessel that gives us away. The heart is the well, the water within the well is our treasure, and the bucket is our tongue that delivers it. Our words reveal who we are and what we stand for. It isn't my writing, my blog, or my prayers that has me concerned. It's the things I say without thinking that have me concerned. How I speak about our finances, the things I say unknowingly over my children (oh that one is handful, well no wonder, I just confessed it!), etc.

I have this place I get caught in, my husband calls it a "mode." It's a place where the walls to up and get bolted to the ceiling. There isn't an ounce of light coming in. You can say whatever you want to me and it won't effect me. I'm officially turned off. However, my mouth gets turned on and out of it flows ugly, vile, and harmful words. It's like something takes over all together. Well that was easy to share (she said in a sarcastic tone). So knowing my words hold power, power to change and create circumstances, power to heal, and even power to hurt is a revelation in it's own right. But, apparently it isn't enough to keep my mouth from spewing things I ought not be uttering. I really want to delve more into this area and dig up some scripture to help combat against the temptation to say things that contradict how I want my future to be shaped. More importantly, I need to get to the core of what I harbor inside the ugly spots of my heart and get those areas cleaned up.

First thing in the morning is always a tough, tough, time for me. Not that I should be confessing this, with trying to monitor my words and all, but for now it's just true, I wake up defensive. I wake up moody, cranky, angry, irritated. And, with the flow of crying in this house each morning, ugh! it can be ugly. I get bombarded with all kinds of thoughts that go against what I know to be true. I start to fear about my husband's job. Worry about our finances. There are issues I have with my children that start to boggle around in there and it's just torture. There are times when I suffer quietly and just move the kids about their routine. If my poor unlucky husband is home when my feet hit the floor, look out! He gets it. So far, this is fun! No?

I came across this quote today and I have no idea who this is, I just know this is the guy who said it V. Raymond Edman said "never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light." Wow! that is super good stuff! My dark place is first thing in the morning because my feet hit the ground running and I think the devil probably enjoys my mornings. So, I've got to change up my mornings. I do have a time set aside to read, study, update my blog, pray, etc. but it's after the house is empty and everyone is off to school.

My favorite part of Facebook might just be flair. My favorite is the one that says "be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says "ahhhh CRAP she's up!" If I want my morning to change from entertaining the devil to making him tremble, I'm going to have to change my morning. I'm going to have to get up a bit earlier and take control of my day, my thoughts, and in the process my future!

There are some other things I want to delve into too but I think that'll have to be another post. In conclusion for today, the world isn't going to change, the people around me probably aren't going to change, so I have to change.