Thursday, November 13, 2008

Faithfulness

As part of my journey through The Mystery of God's Will by Charles Swindoll, I was struck by two questions: What makes risk so difficult for you? Are you willing to make a major change in your life--assuming that it's the Lord's will? And, here are my responses.

Risk for me is difficult for fear of failure. I'm the oldest child, the only daughter, classic type 'A' personality. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of doing what I think is Christ's prompting and being wrong. And, unfortunately, I have to admit that taking a risk may mean doing something that others in my life won't agree with. So, fear of disappointing others.

Starting a business in photography or pursuing my hobby was a risk. Without the nudging and encouragement from my husband it was a move I never would have made. This often comes as a surprise to people for some reason, but I am the shyest person on the planet. What on earth would a person like me be doing in a business where I have to meet new people all the time, get to know them in a few short sentences, feel easy with them, and make them feel easy with me so I can capture intimate moments, family memories, etc.? My first few sessions, prayer was all that got me through. It was either test God to carry me, make my mouth move, and stop shaking or throw up on my clients. As much as I truly love what I do. I love the artistic and creative aspect of it and although I do even like meeting new people, it's tough for me. My personality has been stretched and super-sized in a few short months. Putting it in the hands of God was my only option.

Then there were always the questions I'd torture myself with: what if they don't like me, what if I take all bad shots, what if they hate them anyway, what if I forget what I'm doing. But, somehow God always saw me through. From hello, it's showtime and I'm fine.

It's been a crazy ride too. I didn't know how long it would take for me to begin to build a portfolio and then to receive phone calls from strangers who actually wanted to book me because they love my work. In truth, I'm not even through my first year yet. God has truly shown up, proven he is who he says he is and he does what he says he will do. I am blessed.

As a general rule, the difficulty with risk is failure. Making the wrong choice, doing the wrong thing, messing up, or disappointing others.

I am absolutely 100% committed to making a major change in my life if I know it's the Lord's will. I think I have already done so. I was my own biggest barrier and God managed to get me, out of my own way. If he can my mountain of a self, he can move any mountain. Todd and I have been seeking a major change, waiting for a door to open. We both believe that door will open then we just have to confirm that it's the right door, the one we are supposed to walk through. This new door, even though it is one we are hoping for will come with many blessings but it also will come with more pain and more tough stuff as well. Nothing God ever asks us to do is easy is it? He always manages to stretch us in some capacity. To continue to build our character.

I have owned this book I'm reading for years and I don't find it a coincidence that I've chosen now to read it. Each day of reading is a segway into the next day and it all flows like a big story and the story is weaved between my life, this Charles Swindoll book, the bible, and the decisions that lay ahead.

Yesterday, in my yearly bible I read Hebrews chapter 11. Later while reading my book I underlined this verse, Hebrews 11:6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Yesterdays reading began giving instances of faithful men and woman in the bible who did what they did for God by faith and how he rewarded them. Noah, Abraham, and Sara. And this morning as my reading in Hebrews continued I read about the faithfulness again of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses' parents, Moses himself, the people of Israel who went through the Red Sea and did not drown, Rahab, and the people of Israel who marched around Jericho and made the walls crash down.

God calls his people to a place or a task, he asks something of us. Accomplishing what he has asked of us requires faith. He will often ask us to pull off things that are impossible without him. Our faith is honored by the fulfilling of his promises.

I know that around the corner, I will be called upon to do something. I will have a decision to make and I will have to call upon God to accomplish it. I love it when a good story comes together! Of course, all of this is immediately following a series at church on faith, different kinds of faith, with a full demonstration through the bible of the men and woman who were full of faith, and the different ways their faith was used at different times. God is awesome and crafty!

2 drops of sunshine:

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Just got caught up on your last few posts. Your writing is so insightful Kari!

So excited to get a glimpse into all God is doing in your life.

Cindy said...

Kari,

God is definately preparing you for a change. I can't wait to hear what He does.

I just checked out your Photography Blog. Your photos are beautiful. I'm glad you faced your fear and did it anyway.

Bless You, Cindy