Friday, August 8, 2008

Surrender

It has been the motto of my adult life "never have regrets." Although I'm not even sure I'm an adult yet. Living a life without regret does not mean it goes without shame. I'm not sure yet just how much of myself, of our story I will truly reveal. Shame is certainly an emotion beneath a lot of my life's events. I think about my life, my writing, my book, and I write everything down. I have no idea what I'll feel led to use in the end. I have always loved to write but never dreamed of becoming a published writer, until recently. I knew I enjoyed it but didn't know it was a blessing to others. Writing has always come easy to me. My brain always running much faster than my fingers can write or type. I don't know that I will ever become an accomplished writer, receive any awards, or even get published. But, if I can change lives and help people then so be it, I'll write. I'll share my story, my history, how I got to this place, how I grew to the person I am today, and my future. I want to be true and honest and use my life to encourage and help others. I wonder what God will do with my experiences, my notes, my life and these thoughts thrown together into what is called a blog. I wonder even more how it will feel to return in years to come and read it from the beginning.

You can't know me and know my story without knowing how Todd and I were raised. How we met. What brought us together and what keeps us together. You can't know the person I am today without knowing the mistakes I made, the lessons I learned, and how God brought me through every trial. You can't know me without knowing the importance of family to me and how proud I am of my brothers and their families. You can't understand the person I am today without knowing how I treated others when I was young. Life has brought many things along my narrow path, some self-inflicted, some were uncontrollable circumstances beyond my control. Either way, you grow just as much because in the end all we have left to do is release it, humble ourselves, realize we are not in control, and give control to the one who IS. Surrender.

Romans 12:2 NIV
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

1 drops of sunshine:

MoziEsmé said...

Thanks for sharing some of your life. "No regrets" is my motto, too - though it really involves committing all those things I would regret to Christ and having Him make something beautiful out of them.